Be a Leader, Don’t be a Boss
The first job I had out of college was as an assistant restaurant manager. I was twenty one at the time and had never managed anyone.
I got pretty thorough training in all the aspects of running the restaurant- I spent time at each of the three kitchen stations and doing all the front of house jobs. Then they taught me the functions of the manager- doing opening and closing stuff, scheduling, ordering food and supplies, and everything else.
What I wasn’t taught directly however was how to interact with the staff in the capacity as a manager. That I had to be shown, mostly by example and by making mistakes. I’d say it took me a solid year to really learn how to do it right with pretty regular feedback and tips from my trainer.
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The hard part about managing people is getting the right blend between I want you to do what I need you to do but I don’t want to sound like I’m ordering you to do it. I also don’t want to sound like I’m just hoping you will do it if you feel like it. And I don’t want to have to watch you do it to make sure it gets done and done well.
What I learned was that good leadership is what you use to get results from people you are managing, even when you aren’t there to watch them every minute, and without resorting to threats, coercion, pulling rank, or just plain yelling and intimidation. Bossing people around is a great way to get terrible results. Telling someone to do it “because I said so” or “because I’m the manager (or owner!)” is a terrible way to try and get anyone to do anything.
But the thing with most business owners is they rarely have any training in this, and many people only previously had bad examples of bosses to go by. So they don’t know how to do it well- they’re either too harsh and demanding or too friendly and wishy-washy.
I saw a meme the other day exploring this topic and found myself agreeing with all the points, so I thought I’d share it here. There is no substitute for learning directly from someone who is an excellent leader themselves, but this is at least a starting point to check yourself and see if you have room to improve in any of these areas.
Five Ways to be a Leader, Not a Boss
Lead by Example- people appreciate someone who will take the lead on doing things rather than sit back and order them done. This doesn’t mean you need to do everything yourself but if you take a share of the hard and unpleasant work from time to time it will demonstrate you don’t feel like you’re too good to do it or that you keep all the plum assignments and easy work for yourself.
Focuses on Fixes not Blame- if your first reaction to something going wrong is to figure out whose fault it was then you’re doing it wrong. The first reaction should be to figure out how to resolve the problem. Once resolved, then you want to understand how it happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Finally, you as the leader should take responsibility for what happened, because chances are you could have done things to have helped prevent it at some level, even if you weren’t directly involved, up to and including hiring the person and training the person who was directly involved. Not placing blame but focusing on the fix is a sign of an excellent leader.
Knows They Don’t Know Everything- bosses who take all the credit, claim they know or thought of all the good ideas and never accept blame for the bad ones are hard to like or respect. A smart leader knows good ideas can come from all sources and they encourage people to share them and give full credit to the originator. This makes other people want to contribute their abilities and ideas that could help everyone rather than keep quiet knowing they will never get credit or recognition. A good leader wants the best ideas no matter where they come from.
Builds People Up Rather Than Keeping Them Down- Saying good job to someone who has earned it is the easiest thing in the world and makes everyone feel good and yet some bosses act like they are owed that or that is what they are paying for so why say anything? This attitude causes good people to leave and only the worst to stay. A good leader wants people to feel valued and supported and to continue to help them learn and grow and take on more. An insecure boss feels threatened by a good employee but a smart leader knows how much more valuable someone can be when given the opportunity to excel.
Earns Respect vs Instills Fear- Someone who rules by calling on their job title or ability to fire someone or make them suffer is setting themselves up for failure along with everyone else. Employees who really don’t like a manager or boss will sometimes go as far as to actively sabotage that person with willful neglect or creating actual problems that wouldn’t have existed otherwise. On the other hand, if you earn the respect and goodwill of the people you manage they will go out of their way to help you succeed even when you aren’t around or might not know that they did so. Aside from creating a much more pleasant and inviting place to work, you are going to see much better long term results by treating people well and having them want to work with you than going the opposite direction.
Ultimately, if you find yourself regularly losing good people, experiencing workplace drama, constantly dealing with bad attitudes or employees who don’t do what’s needed when you’re not looking, this is a sign you need to work on your leadership rather than that there is “no one good to hire” as I sometimes hear people claim.
Being a good leader isn’t any harder than being a jerk boss but the results and rewards are so much better there simply is no justification to ever be the boss people love to hate! Your business and bottom line will thank you for it if the intrinsic rewards aren’t reason enough to give this a try (and they are, in case you weren’t sure!) if it’s not already how you operate.
